TALES FROM THE RAPTURE: Earth Quakers

They had split off from the mainstream Friends churches some time ago and most, if not all, similarities between them had long ago disappeared. Though they still considered themselves "friends," it wasn't of some obscure deity, but friends of the Earth; Mother Earth, to be specific. One thing they held in common, by and large, was pacifism. While many now believed a more activist stance was now necessary, not all agreed. Most seem to believe that one day, Mother Earth herself would execute revenge on her enemies. Till then, they must educate as many as possible to live in harmony with her and, hence, the environment.

While most used bumper stickers that urged recycling, picking up litter, and using alternative methods of fuel and travel, some went a bit further with slogans like "Visualize Whirled Peas" (which some mistakenly took as a slam on the peace movement and others took as advocacy of vegetarianism), the Christian fish symbol with legs and "DARWIN" written within it, and "Earth is our Mother." It was once reported that a man had pulled up beside a car, obviously having just read the "Earth is our Mother" bumper sticker, and rolled down his window to say, "Yo, I spit on your mother!" then spat on the ground. "Such intolerance!" said some who heard this; but not to worry though, for Mother Earth would surely have the last laugh. She would avenge herself of those who used and abused her, killed her innocent creatures and ate them, or made clothes out of their pelts. Sure, they ate each other, as Christians had often pointed out, but clearly that wasn't normal. They must've learned it elsewhere, probably from people when they started hunting them. Their day was coming though, rest assured!

That long-awaited day finally came at last. A worldwide earthquake was immediately followed by the mass disappearance of Christians the world over; both living and dead! It was clear to anyone, with an ounce of environmental savvy, that Mother Earth had finally had enough! She had expelled those who had abused her throughout the centuries. Why even the living were not permitted to keep the clothes on their backs, since they had taken all the materials to make them from her. She didn't even want their dead befouling her soils!

Yes, they were all gone at last, along with other Quakers who hadn't seen the light or the error of their ways. Now, at last, they could build the world they'd always knew was possible, but for those fanatic Bible-thumpers who preached having dominion over Mother Earth, as they did with all females; even to the point of keeping her barefoot and pregnant! What kind of God did they believe in? Surely a loving God wouldn't condone violence against his creatures; and the goddess surely didn't! Why even the new World President agreed and had said as much. Yes, brighter and happier days were definitely here; now just one more little problem to deal with: those obstinate obstructions to peace in the Middle East--the Jews. . . .

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And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.

And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, and upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered.

Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things. Genesis 9:1-3 (KJV).

For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:

Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,

And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.

Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness. . . .

Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshippedand served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient. Romans 1:20-25, 28 (KJV).

For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night.

For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them, as travail upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape. I Thessalonians 5:2-3 (KJV).

For the mystery of iniquity doth already work: only he who now letteth will let, until he be taken out of the way.

And then shall that Wicked be revealed, whom the Lord shall consume with the spirit of his mouth, and shall destroy with the brightness of his coming:
Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders,

And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.

And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they shouold believe a lie:

That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness. II Thessalonians 2:7-12 (KJV).

Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship; for salvation is of the Jews. John 4:22 (KJV).

TALES FROM THE RAPTURE: Up, Up and Away!

William Anthony Mann had one of those names that provided a plethora of opportunities for friend and foe alike to have too much fun at his expense. His initials, W.A.M., or even B.A.M. if you called him Bill, seemed to describe what he did to opposing team members on the football field. That, and his middle name Anthony, or Tony to some friends, also earned him the moniker Tony "the tiger." The fact that a Tiger was the school mascot didn't hurt either.

His parents and teachers, not to mention others, were pretty adept at taunting him, whether knowingly or not, by reminding him of his first two initials and last name (when called Bill) to tell him to "be a man" whenever he did something childish or foolish. His retort would usually involve reversing the first two letters of his given name by saying, "Awe, man!" Though this seemed lost on most, he relished this stroke of ironic genius on his part, meaning that he had learned to take it all in stride.

He also enjoyed fantasy and science fiction and employed his last name to great effect in his younger days. He always wanted to fly and often called himself "Supermann." This led inexorably to an interest in aviation which he had decided to pursue in college and then, most likely, in the Air Force.

One person who did know all this about him, and more, was his best friend Mark. They had met at church when they were much younger and had been together ever since. They were often referred to as "TM" for Tony and Mark, or even TradeMark when together. Mark even told Tony once that he'd have a leg up on acronyms when he joined the military. Since they used alot of acronyms in the military, he thought this an amusing observation even though these acronyms were personal and would doubtless have little to no relevance in the service.

Life seemed perfect for the popular school football hero with the best friend, but that would be wrong. Although Tony did well in school, he felt that his whole life consisted of making others, namely friends and family, happy. This seemed all well and good except for the fact he felt empty inside. What was he missing?

After one Sunday morning service at the local Baptist church he and Mark grew up in, he suddenly realized what the problem was: he had never actually been genuinely born again or saved! He'd been merely going through the motions of what he thought he was expected to do. While this maintained an outward appearance that all was well, inside he knew it was not the case.

As he sat down on a nearby bench in the park near the church, Mark joined him and asked him what was bothering him. After explaining his epiphany, Tony asked Mark what he should do.

"Get saved, of course," was the reply.

"But everyone already thinks I am," he said.

"I know three who don't," said Mark. "You and I and God."

"You?!" said Tony a bit bewildered.

"Yes, me," replied Mark. "I know when something's bothering you. I've been praying that God would reveal the truth to you in time to do something about it."

Tony knew what he meant about time. It had been drilled into his head that no one knows how much time they have on Earth. "You could have a car accident after you walked out the front door," was a popular admonition at church during altar call. "Or you could simply keel over from a heart attack; the point is, you don'y know how much time you have left," was another. Then there was the Rapture, the calling up of all the saints before the 7-year Tribulation Period began. No one knew when exactly this would occur, but it was emphasized that this could happen at any moment. He'd often wondered, after the pastor had mentioned it once or twice in passing during a sermon, what it would be like to be the last, or one of the last, to be saved before that critical moment. . . .

"You're right, of course," he told Mark. He was never one to argue with fact, especially after having seemingly being oblivious all these years. He'd been too wrapped up in his life to see the obvious, so now he would remedy that.

They bowed their heads together and Tony asked God to forgive him for being so long in reaching this moment in his life. He confessed that he was a sinner and needed Christ's atoning sacrifice made for him on he cross to be perfect in God's sight; washed and cleansed of his iniquity by the shed blood of Calvary. " . . . and thank You for your longsuffering and patience with me and saving my soul. Amen."

When he said that last word, a feeling of unbelievable relief spread over him. It was like a huge burden had been lifted off him. He smiled at Mark and they both wiped tears from their eyes. Then they heard it: a loud sound ringing out clearly in every direction. . . the unmistakable sound of a trumpet. They looked up to see the clouds rolling back, evaporating really, from the sky, and what seemed like heaven itself opening up.

They looked at each other and knew instantly that they were different. For one thing, they were clad all in white, and they both felt like a new awareness had come to them, a new perception of time and everything around them. They looked at each other and smiled, then looked to heaven listening for the call. "COME UP HITHER!" came the call, and they were both instantly ascending into the skies and then space.

As Earth fell away beneath them, Mark said, "Looks like it's 'Up, up and away,' as Supermann would say! What do you think?"

Even though he knew all of this was instantaneous by mortal standards, his new perception of reality in his new body seemed to explain everything. As they soared toward their welcome in heaven, he shouted, "IT'S GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again. John 3:3,6-7 (KJV).

And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly.

Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.

Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,

In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.

For this corruption must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.

I Corinthians 15:49-53 (KJV).

TALES FROM THE RAPTURE: Rapture Insurance

He read through the brochure he'd gotten in the mail for what seemed like the umpteenth time. He had thought this was some crackpot idea from some scam artist trying to make alot of money off a bunch of gullible people who believed in all that religious nonsense.

"RAPTURE INSURANCE: Don't Leave Earth Without It" the front cover read. What would be the point? he'd thought. But then he'd read through it the first time and realized, oh of course, it's supposed to be like life insurance; it's not for you per se, but those you leave behind. It was also true, as the brochure went on to explain, that traditional life insurance wouldn't cover anything remotely like what was described as the triggering event. They were good, these people, made it all sound so reasonable.

The brochure went on to explain that, even though no Christians would be left to administer the program when said event took place, their system was automated to scan the news websites for indicators of such an event especially after the failure of certain people to log on each day, that claims could and would be met. . . Lord Willing. Ah yes, there was that caveat at the end. The guy could disappear, clean out the accounts and retire happily on some tropical beach somewhere.

Who could fall for this crap? he'd thought at the time. Well, his sister for one. She had bought this for him as a birthday present, taking the opportunity to tell him that he needed the "new birth." "The signs of the times are clearly indicating that we are in the last days," she'd said over and over again, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. "But in case you don't, I don't want to leave you totally without any recourse whatsoever."

Fine, he'd thought. He'd read it over one night, just for a laugh. It even explained at the end that, should you get saved before said event, the person who bought this for you was entitled to a full refund with interest, or could leave it and redirect it for someone else. Nice touch, he thought; leave an escape hatch with the subtle suggestion that, rather than get your money back from this scam artist, you should "roll it over" for someone else.

This guy was good! Who could honestly fall for this loony, open-ended prophecy that "Millions will disappear," or "disapparate" as his niece, a fan of the Harry Potter books had put it, at any moment? Surely he didn't; not then.

But then the unthinkable happened. He was sitting on his porch one morning and this horribly loud noise was heard with a bright light appearing in the sky and all the clouds seemingly fleeing before it and evaporating, like in those time-lapsed photos of the sky played back at normal speed. He watched his neighbors evaporate in front of him leaving a pile of clothes in their wake like they were "beamed out of them," as his nephew, a Star Trek fan had put it. Kids have a knack for relating stuff they like to what's being explained to them, even if, or perhaps especially if, it's weird to begin with, he'd thought at the time.

Various news shows that evening varied in explanation from a massive solar eruption to a mass UFO sighting and abduction, or any of a number of things or combinations thereof. Could she have been right all along? he thought. What if his sister had been right all along and he was just too proud to listen? He reread the "survival instructions" at the end and, then set it aside and picked up the Bible his sister had given him a long time ago and just stared at it, at a loss as to what to make of all this.

Just then, his computer beeped with the tell-tale signal that he had e-mail. Setting the Bible aside, he went over and sat down at the computer and punched the keys and performed the mouse clicks that would bring up his account. He scanned the Inbox page. There amongst all the news bulletins he received was this message:
From: Rapture Insurance Securities Exchange Network
Subject: Your Benefit Check

For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night.
I Thessalonians 5:2 (KJV)