TALES FROM THE RAPTURE: Rapture Insurance
He read through the brochure he'd gotten in the mail for what seemed like the umpteenth time. He had thought this was some crackpot idea from some scam artist trying to make alot of money off a bunch of gullible people who believed in all that religious nonsense.
"RAPTURE INSURANCE: Don't Leave Earth Without It" the front cover read. What would be the point? he'd thought. But then he'd read through it the first time and realized, oh of course, it's supposed to be like life insurance; it's not for you per se, but those you leave behind. It was also true, as the brochure went on to explain, that traditional life insurance wouldn't cover anything remotely like what was described as the triggering event. They were good, these people, made it all sound so reasonable.
The brochure went on to explain that, even though no Christians would be left to administer the program when said event took place, their system was automated to scan the news websites for indicators of such an event especially after the failure of certain people to log on each day, that claims could and would be met. . . Lord Willing. Ah yes, there was that caveat at the end. The guy could disappear, clean out the accounts and retire happily on some tropical beach somewhere.
Who could fall for this crap? he'd thought at the time. Well, his sister for one. She had bought this for him as a birthday present, taking the opportunity to tell him that he needed the "new birth." "The signs of the times are clearly indicating that we are in the last days," she'd said over and over again, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. "But in case you don't, I don't want to leave you totally without any recourse whatsoever."
Fine, he'd thought. He'd read it over one night, just for a laugh. It even explained at the end that, should you get saved before said event, the person who bought this for you was entitled to a full refund with interest, or could leave it and redirect it for someone else. Nice touch, he thought; leave an escape hatch with the subtle suggestion that, rather than get your money back from this scam artist, you should "roll it over" for someone else.
This guy was good! Who could honestly fall for this loony, open-ended prophecy that "Millions will disappear," or "disapparate" as his niece, a fan of the Harry Potter books had put it, at any moment? Surely he didn't; not then.
But then the unthinkable happened. He was sitting on his porch one morning and this horribly loud noise was heard with a bright light appearing in the sky and all the clouds seemingly fleeing before it and evaporating, like in those time-lapsed photos of the sky played back at normal speed. He watched his neighbors evaporate in front of him leaving a pile of clothes in their wake like they were "beamed out of them," as his nephew, a Star Trek fan had put it. Kids have a knack for relating stuff they like to what's being explained to them, even if, or perhaps especially if, it's weird to begin with, he'd thought at the time.
Various news shows that evening varied in explanation from a massive solar eruption to a mass UFO sighting and abduction, or any of a number of things or combinations thereof. Could she have been right all along? he thought. What if his sister had been right all along and he was just too proud to listen? He reread the "survival instructions" at the end and, then set it aside and picked up the Bible his sister had given him a long time ago and just stared at it, at a loss as to what to make of all this.
Just then, his computer beeped with the tell-tale signal that he had e-mail. Setting the Bible aside, he went over and sat down at the computer and punched the keys and performed the mouse clicks that would bring up his account. He scanned the Inbox page. There amongst all the news bulletins he received was this message:
From: Rapture Insurance Securities Exchange Network
Subject: Your Benefit Check
For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night.
I Thessalonians 5:2 (KJV)
"RAPTURE INSURANCE: Don't Leave Earth Without It" the front cover read. What would be the point? he'd thought. But then he'd read through it the first time and realized, oh of course, it's supposed to be like life insurance; it's not for you per se, but those you leave behind. It was also true, as the brochure went on to explain, that traditional life insurance wouldn't cover anything remotely like what was described as the triggering event. They were good, these people, made it all sound so reasonable.
The brochure went on to explain that, even though no Christians would be left to administer the program when said event took place, their system was automated to scan the news websites for indicators of such an event especially after the failure of certain people to log on each day, that claims could and would be met. . . Lord Willing. Ah yes, there was that caveat at the end. The guy could disappear, clean out the accounts and retire happily on some tropical beach somewhere.
Who could fall for this crap? he'd thought at the time. Well, his sister for one. She had bought this for him as a birthday present, taking the opportunity to tell him that he needed the "new birth." "The signs of the times are clearly indicating that we are in the last days," she'd said over and over again, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. "But in case you don't, I don't want to leave you totally without any recourse whatsoever."
Fine, he'd thought. He'd read it over one night, just for a laugh. It even explained at the end that, should you get saved before said event, the person who bought this for you was entitled to a full refund with interest, or could leave it and redirect it for someone else. Nice touch, he thought; leave an escape hatch with the subtle suggestion that, rather than get your money back from this scam artist, you should "roll it over" for someone else.
This guy was good! Who could honestly fall for this loony, open-ended prophecy that "Millions will disappear," or "disapparate" as his niece, a fan of the Harry Potter books had put it, at any moment? Surely he didn't; not then.
But then the unthinkable happened. He was sitting on his porch one morning and this horribly loud noise was heard with a bright light appearing in the sky and all the clouds seemingly fleeing before it and evaporating, like in those time-lapsed photos of the sky played back at normal speed. He watched his neighbors evaporate in front of him leaving a pile of clothes in their wake like they were "beamed out of them," as his nephew, a Star Trek fan had put it. Kids have a knack for relating stuff they like to what's being explained to them, even if, or perhaps especially if, it's weird to begin with, he'd thought at the time.
Various news shows that evening varied in explanation from a massive solar eruption to a mass UFO sighting and abduction, or any of a number of things or combinations thereof. Could she have been right all along? he thought. What if his sister had been right all along and he was just too proud to listen? He reread the "survival instructions" at the end and, then set it aside and picked up the Bible his sister had given him a long time ago and just stared at it, at a loss as to what to make of all this.
Just then, his computer beeped with the tell-tale signal that he had e-mail. Setting the Bible aside, he went over and sat down at the computer and punched the keys and performed the mouse clicks that would bring up his account. He scanned the Inbox page. There amongst all the news bulletins he received was this message:
From: Rapture Insurance Securities Exchange Network
Subject: Your Benefit Check
For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night.
I Thessalonians 5:2 (KJV)
posted by Postmann | 6:44 PM
2 Comments:
Good job, Mark. I still think you need to write where more people will see it.
Have to start somewhere....
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