TALES FROM THE RAPTURE: Alien Abduction

AP/UPI The tabloids were saturated with abduction stories for weeks after the mass disappearances. Most, it seemed, had concluded that it was some mass extraterrestrial abduction. Some suggested it was a selective "beaming up" (a la Star Trek) of followers of various groups like the Raelians or the Scientologists. A spokesman for the Nation Of Islam even claimed it had everything to do with the "Mother Ship" spoken of by minister Louis Farrakhan. What these groups seemed at a loss to explain was why none of their members were "taken" or even contacted beforehand about what was going to happen. Oh sure, they had their stories after the fact, but many thought it was mere opportunism on their part to voice such claims now that the event had come and gone.

Most discounted the cults' theories and seemed to lean toward the idea of a more nefarious purpose behind the disappearances. "Why else would their clothes and blood be left behind?" asked one. "This was obviously a means of collecting specimens for experimentation. Leaving the clothing behind and draining the bodies of blood is the best means of collecting and preserving specimens." But this was only part of the story. Not only had living people suddenly vanished, but those who had been resurrected not a few days earlier had also disappeared along with everyone else. "Invasion of the body Snatchers!" read one; "Day of the Living Dead" read another. "Zombies Among Us!" read yet another. Still others likened it to the TV series TAKEN or The 4400.

The sudden disappearance of uncounted numbers of drivers caused many accidents the world over as well. One surviving passenger reported the person he routinely rode with was a Christian who had this odd sticker plastered across the glove compartment: "The driver of this car is awaiting the imminent Rapture of the Saints by the Lord Jesus Christ. Should I suddenly vanish, take over the steering wheel!" He reported joking with the guy over this, not lending it much credence, until it had actually happened. One entrepreneur reported brisk sales of bumper stickers that read: "Beam Me Up Lord; There's No Intelligent Life Left Down Here."

This last explanation comes from alot of those who knew, or were related to certain evangelical Christians. It was that the "Rapture," a calling away of the "saved" Saints of God, was the reason all this had happened. When asked why they were still here, they regretfully said that they had failed to heed the warnings that their Christian friends and relatives had been giving them all along, discounting them as "fanciful notions" at best, and "completely delusional" at worst. I guess we all owe them an apology in that regard; if only there were any of them left....